{"id":1744,"date":"2013-12-22T21:00:53","date_gmt":"2013-12-23T03:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.robertfeder.com\/?p=1744"},"modified":"2013-12-22T21:14:40","modified_gmt":"2013-12-23T03:14:40","slug":"a-humbled-mcneil-returns-im-a-suspect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/2013\/12\/22\/a-humbled-mcneil-returns-im-a-suspect\/","title":{"rendered":"A humbled Danny Mac: \u2018I\u2019m a suspect\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Dan<\/a>

<\/a> Dan McNeil<\/p><\/div>\n

Moments after Dan McNeil returned to WSCR AM 670 with an extraordinary apology<\/a> to listeners Friday, the great Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper tweeted <\/a>that it was \u201cthe most honest and self-aware segment you'll ever hear on the radio.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kasper was right. With the possible exception of Steve Dahl, no Chicago radio personality had ever bared his soul as fully as McNeil in confessing his addictions and seeking forgiveness from his audience, telling them: \u201cI know I\u2019ve let a lot of you down.\u201d<\/p>\n

Just out of rehab and back after eight weeks away<\/a> from his midday show on the CBS Radio sports\/talk station, McNeil, 52, spoke bluntly about his addiction to prescription narcotics, his dependence on marijuana and his crippling battles with depression. (Read the transcript of his comments below.)<\/p>\n

\u201cEvery day when I wake up, I look in the mirror, I do my gratitudes and I say: \u2018Hey, dipstick, you are an addict. That\u2019s what you are,\u2019 \u201d McNeil told listeners. \u201c \u2018You may be a devoted father, sometimes a very attentive, loving husband, and a good friend to many, and occasionally a good sports talk show host. But you are an addict.\u2019 \u201d<\/p>\n

By his own admission, this wasn\u2019t the first, second or third time McNeil had to explain how personal issues had nearly cost him one of the best jobs in local broadcasting. \u201cYou\u2019d think you\u2019d get used to doing this, as often as I have come back from extended absences, whether it\u2019s treating my addiction or having issues with suspensions up the dial for a number of years,\u201d he said. \u201cBut it doesn\u2019t get any easier.\u201d<\/p>\n

That may be especially true this time, considering how closely McNeil came to wearing out his welcome. Unlike the \u201creal joy\u201d <\/a>that characterized his last return from rehab in April 2012, Friday\u2019s comeback was greeted with outright skepticism.<\/p>\n

\"Matt<\/a>

Matt Spiegel<\/p><\/div>\n

\u201cWe are glad that you are back,\u201d co-host Matt Spiegel told his partner. \u201cBut I will not pretend that it is with full-on trust and full-on joy that it was perhaps the first time [you returned]. In the spirit of honesty with you, and I\u2019m sure that some listeners feel that way as well, you and I have always been real with each other. We\u2019ll continue to be real. That we felt betrayed. That we felt betrayed. . . . We\u2019re here with you. We want to be here with you. But I think you know you have to regain some trust.\u201d<\/p>\n

McNeil acknowledged that he had a long way to go: \u201cThere\u2019s not a doubt in my mind \u2014 100 percent \u2014 I\u2019m a suspect. I got a sign around my neck. I realize that. Nobody did it but me. I\u2019m the one who\u2019s responsible.\u201d<\/p>\n

It couldn't have gone unnoticed that while McNeil was away, the station dropped his name from the show, retitling it for Spiegel and Laurence Holmes (who now goes back to evenings).\u00a0Right up through last week, Rod Zimmerman, senior vice president and market manager of CBS Radio Chicago, and Mitch Rosen, program director of the Score, were known to be exploring other options for middays. In other words, McNeil\u2019s return was hardly a foregone conclusion.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe support Mac in his recovery, and welcome him back to the Score,\u201d Rosen said in a statement Friday. \u201cI want to thank Laurence Holmes for adjusting his schedule along with Matt Spiegel and the producers all for their patience and professionalism. Most importantly I want to thank our listeners who have listened on the air and online throughout this process.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the latest Nielsen Audio survey, middays on the Score ranked 16th overall with a 2.6 percent share and cumulative weekly audience of 295,800. Among men between 18 and 49, \u201cMac and Spiegs\u201d tied for third place with a 4.4 share and a weekly cume of 129,100.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here's what McNeil said on the air Friday:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019m a little nervous about this. You\u2019d think you\u2019d get used to doing this, as often as I have come back from extended absences, whether it\u2019s treating my addiction or having issues with suspensions up the dial for a number of years. But it doesn\u2019t get any easier. So I have no notes in front of me. I have nothing prepared other than what\u2019s going to come from my heart in a little bit. . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

Hello, listeners. This is for you. This is not for Spiegs or Ben or Shep or Mitch Rosen or my wife Sheri or five of my newest, bestest friends up in Lake County, who probably are listening, sitting in the clown car after another fine morning of horse therapy. This is for you listeners, with whom I have enjoyed a relationship for many of you for 25 years. It\u2019s a unique relationship in this regard: I think it\u2019s probably accurate to suggest, and I\u2019m suggesting it, that I\u2019ve let you in to my world as much as anybody who has done this. And if I could rewind to 1988, I wouldn\u2019t do it any differently. There\u2019s a lot more to me than box scores and injury reports. I like life condition stories. The human condition is something that always has been my favorite thing to do when a microphone is open in front of me. Whether it\u2019s talking about marriage, divorce, remarriage, my son Patrick\u2019s travails and triumphs with autism, whatever the case may be, that\u2019s when I am at my best. And that\u2019s when I\u2019m happiest.<\/em><\/p>\n

I hadn\u2019t been happy prior to the eight weeks that I have been away. And there\u2019s a simple reason for that. [<\/em>Audio drop-in: \u201cDo you take drugs, Danny?\u201d \u201cEvery day.\u201d] Oh, yeah. Every day. Maybe it works for Noonan, but it didn\u2019t work for me. And to suggest that I relapsed is an insult to people who relapse. For me, what a relapse is is when somebody goes on a weekend bender, somebody blows their sobriety and has a weekend blowout, and they wake up on Monday morning and they say: \u201cOh my goodness, what did I do here?\u201d I didn\u2019t do that. I returned to a lifestyle of daily smoking of weed and taking pain medication.<\/em><\/p>\n

It started in late August of 2012. It actually started before I took my first hit. Because I got complacent. I got lazy. I stopped working a program that I know works. Stopped contacting my sponsor, stopped going to meetings. \u201cThink I deserve a treat.\u201d It\u2019s an all-too-familiar battle cry for a lot of us who are addicts. That is what I am. I\u2019m an addict. It\u2019s not a very gentle word. But that\u2019s the only accurate way of saying it. I can\u2019t \"taste\" on occasion. If I could, that\u2019s how I\u2019d live. That\u2019s how I\u2019d roll. But I can\u2019t do that. I can get away with it for a short while. I get a quarter oz. instead of the half. I save it to last me five or six weeks, which it did for a short while. And then I\u2019m back to half oz. every month. Two-thirty routine. Right after I get home. Out to the gazebo to blaze away.<\/em><\/p>\n

And the pain meds as well, about a year ago: \u201cI deserve a treat. So I\u2019m going to get me just 30. My knees are creaky. I had back surgery. I should have just a little bit. It\u2019s the holidays. Just a treat.\u201d And that works for a little while. Until I hurt my back in April and call the doc and say, \u201cLoad me up.\u201d And then it was off to the races. Just like it was several years ago when I hit the breaks on it in February of 2012. I had to do it again because I was heading into those same dark places.<\/em><\/p>\n

There are different lows for people who suffer from addiction and alcoholism. Many people die. Some people go to prison. Some crash cars. Some blow up their finances and their families. My low is a burning desire to be alone. My low is isolation. Living in my own private Idaho. Sealing myself away from most of the world. And that\u2019s where it went again for me. Very few things that used to give me enormous joy were working.<\/em><\/p>\n

I came back from a fishing trip on the Chippewa Flowage with two of my sons and my buddy, AT&T Brian, and didn\u2019t want to work the following Monday morning. So I get out the legal pad in the middle of the night when I can\u2019t sleep and I start looking at my finances: \u201cI\u2019m going to sell the house, and here\u2019s where my stocks are, and I could move this around. I\u2019m just going to build a cabin somewhere and go away.\u201d And that\u2019s not who I am. I like people. This is a job I wanted since I was 8 or 9 years old. And I\u2019m fortunate to have it. Mitch Rosen is the reason I still have it. What I said to him that Monday morning, most guys would have whacked me. And that\u2019s what I deserved. \u201cI\u2019ve been on that stage 30 years, pally, find yourself a new dancing monkey.\u201d He should have. Most guys would have. Yeah, I said that. Because that\u2019s where I went.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve had some education, too. And the pain meds, by the way, it\u2019s not Vicodin. It\u2019s Norco. Vicodin is child\u2019s play. It\u2019s the little yellow birds. The poppers. The bingers. Call them what you will. We have clever names, those of us who are addicts. How\u2019s that working for us, being clever? But yeah, I mean five or six of those every day plummets your energy level \u2014 my energy level. The testosterone is gone. And makes me want to sit there and watch \u201cOffice Space.\u201d My idea of exercise is getting up off the couch to go get a pint of ice cream. My idea of being productive is locating the remote in the sofa cushions.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m grateful to be here. I know I\u2019ve let a lot of you down. I\u2019ve been humbled and inspired by so many of you listeners who have reached out to me via social media. Hundreds and hundreds of well wishes. I\u2019d forgotten, I\u2019d lost sight of our relationship. Because we do have one. With some of you, it\u2019s a relationship that we have had in brief moments during remote broadcasts, whether it\u2019s here or at other radio stations. But with most of you, it\u2019s just been over the air. You\u2019ve allowed me to be your companion. And that\u2019s a gift I have. And I was wanting to throw it away. I was desirous of giving every one of you the middle finger and saying, \u201cI\u2019m going fishing. I\u2019ve done this long enough.\u201d I haven\u2019t. I\u2019ve still got some game left. And I\u2019m glad to be back here.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve said what I need to say, I believe, to the guys on the staff, and to Mitch, and to my wife Sheri, and to all of my friends, whether they\u2019re lifelong friends or people on the program. But I apologize to you listeners for not being here for the last eight weeks \u2014 and for not being present for many weeks prior to that. It\u2019s a mistake. Hopefully I learned from it. Hopefully I make sobriety a lifestyle. Because that\u2019s what it has to be if I\u2019m going to succeed at it. It\u2019s good to be back here. . . .<\/em><\/p>\n

I absolutely know where you guys are at. And I understand it. And I will work today \u2014 because that\u2019s all I have is today \u2014 at fixing that. Every day when I wake up, I look in the mirror, I do my gratitudes and I say: \u201cHey, dipstick, you are an addict. That\u2019s what you are. You may be a devoted father, sometimes a very attentive, loving husband, and a good friend to many, and occasionally a good sports talk show host. But you are an addict. You can\u2019t have a \u2018taste.\u2019 Do the things that are necessary this day to remind yourself of that and stay away from the garbage. Because ultimately it\u2019s back to the same old routine.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a progressive disease and it\u2019s one I\u2019m always going to have. And I will miss, Mother Nature, the sweet sticky ganje. Whoa, my goodness. We\u2019ve been pals since 1977. I recently broke up with a friend I started a relationship with on my 16th birthday at the old International Ampitheatre when Alice Cooper was on stage. School has been out for the 36 years since. That\u2019s how it\u2019s gone with me.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Moments after Dan McNeil returned to WSCR AM 670 with an extraordinary apology to listeners Friday, the great Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper tweeted that it was \u201cthe most honest and self-aware segment you'll ever hear on the radio.\u201d Kasper was right. With the possible exception of Steve Dahl, no Chicago radio personality had ever bared... Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1744"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1744"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1744\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1763,"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1744\/revisions\/1763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1744"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1744"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/robertfeder.dailyherald.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1744"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}